Finito

Splenda,

You and I have known each other for a long time.  Years, in fact.  We used to see each other multiple times a day.  But you’ve changed.  I don’t know why, but you are angry at me.  Everytime I see you, even in moderation, you try to hurt me.   And it works.  I guess you think it’s funny to have me running to the bathroom every five minutes at work because I’m so gassy and bloated.  And just from a tiny little pudding cup!  And then to have me rush home from work because I need to go to the bathroom again, from the same damn pudding cup that I ate four hours ago?  Our friendship is over.  We will no longer be acquainted.  You can tell that to your pals sorbitol and malitol as well.  Maybe even aspartame, although I am still drawn to his bad-boy image.

Love,

Lee

PS – I hooked up with your enemy, sugar, today.  So take that.

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