Last day

Last day of what, you say? It’s the last day that I’m taking my anti-depressant. I’ve been on Lexapro for about two years, give or take. I decided recently that I wanted to try to stop taking it. I felt like maybe I didn’t need it anymore. I also didn’t like some of the side effects. So, I consulted my doctor about a month ago and asked how to stop. From internet research, I knew that I shouldn’t stop cold turkey. She said to take half a pill everyday for 2 weeks and then take half a pill every other day for two weeks and then I’ll be done. Well, today is my last day. I haven’t had any withdrawal symptoms luckily, but I do feel a slight difference in my mood. I’m definitely more irritable at work and more anxious. I keep worrying that I’m going to get fired or that so and so is mad at me. I’ve tried reminding myself that I didn’t get these thoughts before and there is no reason to get them now other than there is no happy pill blocking them. I haven’t felt sad, per se, but the anxiety has definitely come back, to some extent although I’m not sure it’s as great as it was before.

I’ve thought about giving up and getting back on them. Life’s definitely a little bit easier when you’re not worrying about stupid stuff every two seconds. But I think that I can teach myself to rationalize my anxious thoughts away. I don’t want to spend my entire life depending on chemicals to do that.

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