Mixed Emotions

This weekend has been good and bad. Here’s the good: It was in the 60’s and sunny. I took Murphy to the dog park yesterday morning and let him run some of his energy out. Then I ran some of my energy out with a five mile run. Afterward, I went out for my friend Emily’s birthday which was really fun.

Here’s the bad: I drank too much at said birthday party. Now, don’t get me wrong, I didn’t do anything bad, per se. I didn’t drive and I didn’t make an ass of myself (except that I did butcher The Bangles Eternal Flame at karaoke. Yes, really.) but I always feel so guilty when I drink too much. I don’t know why. It’s only really started happening in the last year or so. I don’t know how to explain it. Part of it has to do with consuming extra calories and blah, blah, blah but it’s more about how I want the party phase of my life to be over and it’s not. I know that’s my fault. I am the only one who can control what I put in my mouth, but when all of my friends still drink a lot, it’s kind of hard not to follow suit. I mean, have you ever been completely sober in a room full of drunks? Not fun.

Maybe I’m too hard on myself. A part of me thinks that. Big deal, I had too many drinks. And really, I drink way less than I did even a year ago. I don’t think that I have a problem with alcohol although sometimes I do wonder. I’m hesitant to even post this because I’m not exactly portraying myself in the best light, but it is what it is. I don’t generally compare myself to other bloggers, but in this aspect, I sometimes do. I see other bloggers that have one drink with dinner and call it a night and I wonder why me and my friends aren’t like that. Why do we still party like we’re in college?


32 responses to “Mixed Emotions

  1. angieinatlanta

    Lee, I definitely think you’re being too hard on yourself. And I definitely don’t think you have a problem with drinking either. You occasionally go out and occasionally drink more than you planned on. I think that’s okay and normal. Don’t beat yourself up!

  2. I think you’re being too hard on yourself also– I don’t drink like I did in college and grad school…but that’s because we don’t have any friends here in Altoona!!! Seriously, I have tons of friends who are still living it up , and they’re pushing thirty. Honestly, I’m jealous– I WISH we had people to go out with here, but all of our friends have kids!

    I always get really down on myself when I have a night where I drink too much too, but I bet you’ll feel worlds better tomorrow.

  3. We call that the “After Drunk Guilt.” It starts happening when you’re in your 30s because you think that at this point, you should be able to control yourself and not party like a 19 year old, but really, it’s tough not to in the right environment and with the right company.

    One of my friends, always “atones” by doing something punishingly hard the day after he gets “over-served”; personally, I think that’s a bit much. I just always resolve, as we all do, to never drink that much again.

  4. I’m glad you posted this. It just proves that bloggers aren’t perfect. They don’t always eat or DRINK perfectly. I have the hardest time too just having one drink. It’s not because I’m an alcoholic or have no will power. It’s because I get caught up in the moment and it’s such a social atmosphere. Once I start drinking I start snacking. I’ve made a new rule though and maybe you can have a friend help you (my husband normally does). Have one drink and then have a glass of water. Have another drink and then another glass of water and so on. It really seems to work for me!

  5. Haven’t you seen how many times Kath has blogged about having too many drinks?? She’s talked many times about drinking too much then snacking too much and ultimately waking up the next morning with a hangover. It’s very hard for me to just have one drink as well. No one is perfect and you are not alone. For me the only thing that works is just not drinking at all – but I know it’s not easy when everyone else is doing it…

  6. I think it’s good that you posted this because most of us can relate to it. It is not fun to be the only sober one at all! Luckily most of my friends don’t drink a lot anymore, but we have our nights on occasion. I have only recently gotten really good at telling myself, I will have X amount of drinks and then really stopping. I’ve started to notice there is a point in the night where I always make the decision either to stop or keep going. I try really hard in that moment to be like “Kelly, do you REALLY need another drink, or is it just going to make you drunk when the night is over and then feeling crappy tomorrow?” haha, I try to talk to myself about how I will feel better in the am if I stop drinking then. It’s hard though, especially after you’ve already had a drink or two 🙂 I think everyone over does it at times and usually I don’t feel too mad at myself when I do because my stomach gets mad enough for me!
    Maybe you could suggest other stuff to do with your friends so drinking won’t be a big focus (some nights)…

  7. I feel like the worst pup mom ever! I think I’m the ONLY blogger who didn’t take their dog to the dog park today! Of course, it was only 38 degrees in Cleveland today.

    I completely understand where you are coming from: the “everyone else is doing it” thing, and NO ONE wants to be the sober one – you always end up cleaning SOMETHING up by the end of the night! Don’t beat yourself too badly – those other bloggers forget to take the photos of the extra drinks!

  8. I don’t know! My issue is that I just LOVE the taste and I associate it with anything social. I drank too much yesterday, too. Never anything to be silly (I’m very good with my alcohol, however!) but sometimes enough to feel is the next day, that’s for sure! I’m not 18 anymore…I can’t handle it like I used to. I’m just commiserating…I do it, too…no excuse, just do!

  9. This was me this morning. I struggle with this same thing more often than Id like, so its nice to see Im not the only one. Everytime I have great intentions…and than lose them. 😦

  10. Lee- Don’t be hard on your self. It happens to the best of us. Truth be told it has happen to me not so recently. Sometimes (in the right circumstances) I let go and have a few drinks to many. Even Mom on the Run can be naughty 🙂

  11. Aw, it definitely happens to all of us. At least everyone I know! Although I definitely cannot hang like I used to in college- I feel sooo much worse the next day. And instead of doing shots with my friends, it’s usually me drinking way too much wine with Bri. There is no reason to feel guilty- you are entitled to let loose!

  12. Stuck in an OVER CROWDED room full of drunks was exactly where I was. “fun”.

    xox Vera

  13. sorry about the “bad”~ i know the feeling. i never drink these days because of the calorie guilt, yet my girl friends all drink like no end. try not to let it get to you and smile about the fun time you had, karaoke rocks! and um, it isnt just your friends. all my friends are 27, 28, 29.. and party just like when we were 20. but i just don’t because it makes me blow up like a balloon 😉 xoxo

  14. i think you’re being way too hard on yourself too, and i am 100% positive you don’t have a problem. come to london, and then you will feel a whole lot better! these brits, man, i’ve never seen anything like it. i’m surprised their livers don’t just jump out of their body and take off for a better life elsewhere.

    it takes a long time to get used to being sober in a room full of drinkers (about 2 yrs, I’d say), and usually because you don’t have a choice. (i can have the odd drink once or so a year, but can’t get drunk anymore without getting sick first, so really not worth it.) just enjoy it while it lasts, and don’t feel guilty unless there is a real reason to.

  15. oh and besides, 80s music only still exists to BE butchered in karaoke.

  16. girl do NOT beat yoruself up so much! there is an inner college student in all of us!! just think of it as having some fun with friends!! as long as you are keeping everything under control and not getting sick or doing anything stupid (driving) then hey, its life right? BUT if you don’t want to drink anymore, then that is totally acceptablet oo and your friends shouldn’t make a big deal out of it! I had a friend in college who didnt drink, he still went out, partied etc, but never drank and he was one of the most liked people I know! you dont HAVE to drink bc other people are, ya know?

    just do what you want and what makes you happy!!

  17. I understand that feeling of guilt. It’s hard to find a balance between going out “too often” (however often that may be for you) and not enough. I feel the same way after going out- lazy, tired, etc. Anything that feels like a setback, also feels sort of defeating.

    I think that your thoughts & feelings are completely normal, but I wouldn’t beat yourself up too much about it. In fact, by the time you read this, I’m sure you’ll probably have moved on already!

  18. me and my friends DEFINITELY still binge drink like we’re still in college when we go out. I get so badly hungover… i do agree that so many bloggers don’t really like to drink much, but hey, we’re young and we go out have a great time even if that means we drink too much. oh well, we won’t be doing this forever!

  19. I think everyone has that one thing that they do and then feel guilty about. I think the best thing is just realize that you are human and cut yourself some slack. I mean everyone needs a little booze now and then right?! 🙂

  20. Don’t be so hard on yourself, and don’t compare yourself to other bloggers. Just because people don’t admit to drinking a lot doesn’t mean they don’t. I drink more than other bloggers, but it’s an ok level for ME. If you think you have a problem, that’s one thing, but if it’s just guilt out of comparison, shrug it off 🙂

  21. Don’t beat yourself up so much! As you know from reading my blog, I drink like I’m still in college! Yes sometimes I feel guilty about calories but you only live once! I just like to have fun! Oh and try not to compare yourself to the bloggers because I thought the same thing but PLENTY of them drink!

  22. No worries- we all go a little crazy every once in awhile! I think it is a combination of still trying to hold on to our old college days and not completely understanding our new tolerance (or lack of) now that we’ve calmed down a bit.

    I always just try to make the day after a healthy one! 🙂 Happy Monday!

  23. Don’t be too hard on yourself – I don’t think you drink that much at all! I think when the time comes and you want to stop or get burnt out, then you’ll stop. Or it will become even less frequent.

    I am not the type of person to have one drink with dinner – I only drink once or twice a month, at least lately. But I definitely consume too much on those nights! I used to beat myself up, but I love to have fun (NOT that you have to be drunk to have fun, of course!) and I realize I could drink a LOT more – and used to.

  24. You bring up a good point… I get all uptight and upset with myself if I let it loose and enjoy myself one night… but I think mainly because subconciously I am upset with myself for eating or drinking something that nutritiounally I don’t benefit from… but that is ok once in a while right?

  25. You shouldn’t be too hard on yourself. Last year my husband and I played flip cup and or beer pong every weekend since he was in business school with people who are a few years younger than us. We lived it up for a while, and this year we realized our bodies just can’t take it anymore! So instead of every weekend, it’s more like once every 3 months 🙂

  26. I know i’m late to this post (dang wordpress) but GIRL – I hope you’re not beating yourself up about this. I DO know what you mean though. I too (and often…) am like whatamidoing? why? but I know it’s fun and I take it for what it’s worth and like you i’m responsible, don’t drink and drive and don’t (think) I make an ass out of myself!!

  27. I can definitely relate to seeing other bloggers have maybe 1 drink and cut themselves off – I don’t do that and neither do my friends! All of my friends still party hard, and sometimes it’s hard to keep up! But I do, for the most part 😉

  28. The only harm I see here is that there are no pics of the Bangles Butchering 😉

    You are absolved, go in peace. Or is it go forth and multiply? I can’t keep those straight.

    Have a great night, Lee.

  29. Okay, you KNOW I still drink like I’m in college sometimes! I have to say it doesn’t appeal as much anymore, but there are definitely some nights when I just want to go nuts and feel like a party girl again. I think that’s something that, at least for me, will continue my whole life, and I see no reason to be ashamed of it! I think the only thing I see changing is maybe the venue. That is, these days I might do it at a bar; in 20 years, I might be doing it at my house in the suburbs with my closest friends after a dinner party with the kids already asleep 🙂