Confession time

I have two confessions. One, I totally made muffins and ate them on Passover. Don’t tell my mother. Not that she’d be surprised; I’m not religious at all. (You’re not supposed to eat bread. See Morgan’s blog for a much more in-depth explanation.)

I am sort of proud of myself because I took a whole wheat muffin recipe that I had on my computer and altered it so much that it didn’t resemble the original recipe at all and it still was good! That never happens.


Makes 10

1 cup whole wheat pastry flour
1 cup all purpose flour
1 tsp baking soda
1 tsp baking powder
1/2 tsp salt
1 Trader Joe’s Carrot Applesauce Crusher (they’re like squeezy applesauce. It make a little less than a half cup)
1 tsp canola oil
1/4 cup pure maple syrup
1/4 cup sugar free maple syrup
1 cup vanilla almond milk
Trader Joe’s superfruit spread

Pre-heat oven to 375. Mix dry ingredients in bowl. Mix wet ingredients in separate bowl and then mix together. Grease muffin tin with cooking spray. Fill each muffin about half of the way and then put about 1/4 cup of TJ’s fruit spread on top. Then cover with a little bit more muffin mix.

I didn’t get a chance to post last night’s dinner because I was sitting around being a total moody mope. That’s confession number two. But we’ll do dinner first. Jason made chicken fajitas. I’m not exactly sure what he did, but everything was really good.


I made mine into a salad.


The only thing that I would have changed about this meal is that Jason was very heavy handed with some Mexican hot sauce. I like spicy foods but I actually had to pour myself a glass of milk after eating this salad!

So, confession number two. I took these before pictures for the P90X and got in a terrible funk because of the way I look in a bathing suit. I know I’m supposed to love my body and all of that, but sometimes I just don’t. My stomach is weird looking and not flat. I think it’s from years of being heavy. I mean, I guess it is. But I was never that big. At my heaviest, in college, I probably weighed 175. I’m 5’7. So while I was overweight, I don’t think I was so big that my skin should have lost elasticity. So, I moped about this for like half an hour. Do you have body image funks? What do you do to get past them?

I’m going to post about the actual P90X workout later this evening.


26 responses to “Confession time

  1. not gonna lie.. i have no idea why making muffins and eating them on passover would be a bad thing. then again, i was raised mormon and have no idea what passover is.. ha! thanks for the recipe.

    ugh. the dreaded before photos. i HATE them. i know all about them. and i know all about having a funky shaped tummy.. which is not flat.. and i wish it was. all i can say is use that feeling as a motivation to work really hard at p90x!


  2. I just took some before photos on Sunday too (more to come on my blog later) and at first it was a little hard to look at and my tummy is definitely a problem area, BUT think about all that your body has done for you. It has carried you through 6 (or 7 now?) half marathons!! Be thankful that you have a healthy body that treats you well. When I get down on my chubby thighs, sometimes I remember about a girl I know who was in a terrible accident a few years ago and can no longer walk. I’m sure she’d give anything for my chubby, yet strong legs.

    P.S. Those muffins look really good!! 🙂

  3. I agree with the above about trying to view your body in terms of its health and strength rather than trying to find its flaws.

  4. angieinatlanta

    First off, both the muffins and the fajitas look awesome!

    Secondly, you are totally not alone in your body image funk. I’m telling you, I think part of it comes with the territory of getting married. I keep thinking I have to do this, this, and this to my body so it will look “perfect” on my big day, whatever that means. And my belly is a trouble area for me as well from my chubbier days. I think I’ve just had to come to terms with it and remember that I have a strong, healthy body, which not everyone is blessed with. Sometimes that reminder helps me.

  5. Ugh– I hate the way I look in bathing suits. I have a really long torso and surprisingly short legs for being pretty tall (5’9). Don’t worry about it– the before pics don’t matter! It’s the after pics that will have you feeling great!

  6. Thanks for the linkage! I wish I could eat muffins now 🙂
    P90X is awesome! Good luck with it!

  7. Oh same thing totally happened to me back in Feb when I ordered a bathing suit from VS. I put it on and wanted to cry. Usually I try to tell myself that I’m much more critical on myself then anyone else is, but it’s still hard.

  8. aww sweetie! i completely feel your pain. my stomach is no where close to flat because i’ve lost over 100lbs and it’s all loose skin! it takes tons of core exercises to firm it up (or surgery) but don’t stress about it because i’m sure you look amazing 🙂 you know you’re healthy and gorgeous!!

  9. Fact:Rarely anyone looks good in a bathing suit. And I swear, those who do are the ones who aren’t even trying and just naturally look like supermodels.

    Thankfully, I am not a huge fan of the beach, so I don’t have to wear suits too often. I did, however use to me a lifeguard. That was not great for the body image.

  10. Putting on a bikini at the tail end of winter is tough… we’re pasty and not used to it! I don’t know a single person who could put on a bikini RIGHT now, look in the mirror, and think wow, I look good. What I’m trying to say is that the thoughts you were having are normal!

  11. I thought once I lost my weight I would be happy with my body–100%. I was wrong. Even after losing 64 lbs, I found faults and loose skin was one of them. I never got the cut arms I wanted. And I was more skinny-fat. Loose jiggly everywhere except decent legs from running. So, I learned to deal with the body funks and I still get them. But I allow myself time to do what you did–pout, mope, drown myself in bubbles and a good book, watch stupid tv, cry, whatever. I pull myself out of it within a reasonable amount of time, and talk myself into looking at all the GOOD I’m doing lately with my eating and exercise. Usually, a long HARD workout session will help. And, looking at old pics help more than anything.

  12. I totally agree with Lily! Maybe it’s because I’m seeing it through different eyes, or maybe it’s because I look at the “real” bodies of women my own age (as opposed to when we were all in high school), but not a one is perfect!

    Honestly, when I get down on myself I let myself have those days, I wear the “forgiving” clothes, and I just try to get to the gym and eat clean – but I do NOT overdo it like I used to. I’ve found that only backfires (for me), and that slow and steady always wins the race.

  13. Hey, I hate my body in a bathing suit, too. I think even the “perfect” body can find some kind of fault! I don’t really know how to get through these body images, except to stop overanalyzing them. Stop thinking too much, and just enjoy. If you exude confidence, that itself will be so attractive on you.

  14. You are too cute!!! Don’t worry we’ve been eating bread too!! (not religious at all…but if you don’t tell my grandpa I won’t tell your mom! haha!)

  15. My skin looks like an 80-year-old womans. That’s no exaggeration. My stomach skin has NO elasticity. It’s something I hate and I pretty much avoid anything tight because of it…even when I’m a weight I want to be at. Obviously, swimsuits are an issue, too. We all have our things, don’t be so hard on yourself. 5’7 and 175 is not big!! I was 4’11 and nearly 200 in junior high! You’re beautiful, believe that.

    • That is why I don’t get why I have a stretchy stomach. I weight like 25-30 pounds less than that now, so that’s not like a huge weight loss!

  16. P.S. Those muffins look good, I would break Passover rules for those babies, too 🙂

  17. Your mix CD is in the mail! It has a variety. I hope you like it. I’d love to hear what you like/don’t like 🙂

  18. Sorry for the body image funk. 😦 We all definitely have moments like that and I think pictures will often times do that to you. You have to remember that photos flatten an image so that is not an adequate way to view yourself. People usually look much better in real life, when there are more angles, than in photos.

  19. I can’t wait to see your P90X post. I am just curious how intense it is.
    Those muffins look fantastic 🙂

  20. agree with sophia — overthinking never helps with respect to body image issues!

    never had any significant gain or loss, but i have plenty of things i could nitpick my body about (cellulite, bigger thighs/butt, upper arms, etc) even though i’m closer to the lower end of the weight range for my height. sometimes i do (nitpick i mean) — but i usually get over it quickly and focus on the positive. something i do to gain perspective is think about how my body is likely to change with pregnancy — i’m sure i’ll be WISHING for my current form at that point. all about perspective . . .

    as an aside — one of the fun things about fashion/clothes is dressing to accentuate your best features. this includes bathing suits — maybe you just need to do a little shopping 🙂

    none of us are perfect or even close to it — but i think that just accepting the little negatives and moving on is just . . . part of life.

    finally — you are going to look gorgeous in your wedding dress! a glowing confident bride = hot.

  21. ps not pregnant – i just mean in the future 🙂

  22. I just ate my first muffin in over a year (no muffins in Korea) and MAN it was good. Hope your mom doesn’t read the blog! 😉

  23. Sorry they got you in a funk. 😦 I know what you mean though – Yes, we’re supposed to love ourselves on the outside but some days it’s better than others. for sure. 🙂 I’m a firm believer that flat tummies are the rarity! I have body image funks about once/month – I just go really?! I do all of this is this is it?? And then I go to the gym… and always feel better when I get done!